#10 Chi Chi LaRue's Brother Fucker

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#9 Chi Chi LaRue's Raising The Bar

Raising The Bar: 2010

Who watched Obama's DNC speech? Everyone? Hope so, motherfuckers. Obama loves gay people.

That is an entirely blonde Brent Everett you see before you, circa August 2008. What do you think, no good? You know, I've been staring at it for, like, ever now and I don't exactly think it's hideous but it just doesn't do much for his complexion. The dark hair goes much better with his dark features. I will say, though, that ten times worse than this were his frosted tips. What was that? He really tried to make those highlights work. For a long time...

What happens when you mix a group of your closest whorish friends with a fully stocked dive bar and streaming video to your smartphones? If said scenario is directed by Chi Chi LaRue, a lot of fucked up shit can happen. I am constantly introduced to new things I've never before seen in porn in watching her films. And when basing a story on memories and flashbacks, it gives one even more room for versatility. A group of friends at a bar make a bet to see who has the hottest sex filmed using their phones. Honestly, they're all good. First story: ~Reality star~ Steven Daigle fucks the bartender who, surprise, is straight. And, now this is really great, another story follows two guys into a private room in what looks like an S&M bar, where they begin to sniff blow off each other. Now you know I myself am in recovery and haven't taken an 8 ball to the nose is quite some time, but that being said I see nothing wrong in the use of drugs for the sake of art. It's like smoking. Yes it's bad for you, but it sure looks hot on film. I am guilty of glamorizing drug use in stories I've written, hell I've written scenes exactly like this one, in a bathroom, doing lines off each other, then fucking. So essentially, Chi Chi LaRue just matriculated one of my fantasies into reality. Bravo. By the way, I don't know if it was real blow. It sure was messy and didn't look like it got truly snorted. If it was real shit, what a waste lolz. Remember that scene in Less Than Zero? When Jami Gertz pours her coke down the drain?

"Oh, man, what a waste!"

"What a waste...."

"Call a plumber."

God I love that movie. Alright, now down to business. The best was saved for Brent, in my humble opinion. One of the friends goes into his story of how he cruised some guy (Brent) at a sex shop, and the worker watched the whole thing via a security camera, AND jerked off to it. Crazy, right? IT GETS CRAZIER. The whole thing is filmed at Chi Chi LaRue's in WeHo. Look how pretty! How well stocked! And so pink! It's better than Babeland and for sure better than anything here in Boston, even that dump next to The Machine. So much blown glass. And if you're into the marijuana, they've got paraphernalia for that, too. No I've never been (since I'm an East Coast bum) but the day a store opens on this side of the country, I will apply for a job, pronto. 

So, the scene. Mitchell Rock is a big burly top turned big nelly bottom by our own Brent Everett. Who else could do it but Brent? They scope each other out in the store then just walk right into a back room for more privacy. What gall! Even the door is pink. Bless. The backroom there is stalked with sexual goodies but this scene isn't all toys. It's 37 minutes long, that's above average. At one point while Brent sucks off Mitchell he gives the camera a look that made me shiver. His eyes screamed sex. Then he finds, magically, the perfect glass dildo. Yes, that is Brent rubbing a lubed dildo over his nipple. Yes, those are pink labelled water bottles behind him! Have you ever? I have never. What follows is LOUD angry sex, Brent fucks the shit out of Mitchell while the lonely worker (Jason Longh) watches, and jerks. He was my least favorite part of this, I wasn't particularly impressed by him or his load. I also don't care for more than two guys in a scene, though, so he might have just been extra baggage for me. I just tended to forget all about him whilst watching the magic between Brent and Mitchell unfold. Yeah, it's that good.

Rating: A. Buy it. Please don't watch it on a gaytube sight, the quality won't do it any justice.

Next up: Little Big League and Brent Everett's AMAZING baseball playing skills.

#7 Chi Chi LaRue's Take A Load Off

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#5 Chi Chi LaRue's Fuck U

Fuck U: 2010

I stumble upon so much in my researches for trying to make this a wonderful little blog. Up until yesterday I had no idea there is a conglomerate of Brent "fans" out there who really think Steve is an asshole. Now...okay. Let's try to make sense of this, let's just humor this possibility for a second. Brent has never struck me as a stupid person. I am sure if Steve were detrimental to Brent in anyway, by now he would have walked. He's happy, and he's the one we're claiming to love, so why don't we trust in Brent? I mean it, to date I have NEVER said one bad word against Yoko Ono simply because I love and respect John Lennon! I gotta respect the woman he loved, too (plus Yoko is awesome). How can any fan of Brent Everett's say they love him yet hate his other half? That's a bit of a paradox. Hating Steve is pretty much insulting Brent. They're together, do y'all understand, they're in actual love and a lifetime commitment. Throwing shade toward the most significant person in Brent's life is not supporting Brent. It's quite the opposite, and from my own personal experience I have found Steve to be a total gentleman. He's very friendly, he even added me on twitter out of the blue. Also he is quite dashing but, most importantly, Brent is crazy about him. Thus, Steve is great. So there I've said my peace on that.

Something else I found: a few years back Brent was on board to begin a third website, http://www.xguyslive.com/. This was apparently supposed to cater to the needs of both men AND women. There's not much on the site now so I have no idea if it's still going, but I am curious. How could anything cater to my needs any more than www.BrentEverett.com already has? Would they sell cosmetics? Would the site be PINK? Would it...oh god, showcase lesbians?? Saying, "the needs of both men and women," is so broad. That's not a direct quote from either Brent or Stephen anyway, for all I know it could be made up. I just wonder what happened with the site, I wish I knew more about it. You know what, I think I just got it. Here is how amazingly smart I am: I think the site was supposed to be primarily a live webshow outlet and some of the men would be gay, some would be straight, some performing for men and some performing for women. I wonder how that worked out. A lot of times I see gay porn stars advertise one-on-one web shows and I feel like asking, "Is it alright if I'm a girl?" I don't though. I feel like that'd be overstepping my boundaries more than I already do as a woman into gay male porn. Yes, this is my struggle. MEIN KAMPF.

Fuck U. Let's get down to it, there is a film to actually be reviewed somewhere in this blog entry. Now remember this because I will ONLY say it once on my blog: There was one person who was hotter than Brent in this film, and that was superstar and director Chi Chi LaRue. She didn't just direct this one but she narrates and hosts the whole thing looking GORGEOUS. She needs to teach these queens on RuPaul's Drag Race a thing or two because they could use it. God bless Chi Chi LaRue. Her role here besides being an HBIC is to teach you, the viewer, how to make a decent porn. Brent's scene is the first in this video which is a pleasant surprise since homeboy usually keeps us waiting 'til the end. We open with Brent and Steven Daigle sharing a shower, an open large shower, which seems like a locker room. I like this immediately. I have a thing for shower porn, about 40% of all the sex in all the smut I've ever written has taken place in a shower. Something about ass scrubbing really gets me and if one guy is washing the other, all the better. And what's not hot about watching a man's cock go hard while he's soaping it up? I enjoy mutual shaving, too, but we won't see that here. Also would have loved to have seen Brent urinate in said shower. He's taken a leak on camera before, it would have been perfect here.

Things to look out for: upside down ass licking, Brent's nipples, choking on cock, Steven's bottoming capabilities, mouth fucking, interracial scenes later in the film!!

Cons: only 8 minutes of soapiness/water running, Brent's haircut (what happened???), underwhelming cumshots when after all that they finished by jerking themselves off standing (you're in a shower, that's the time to get creative with where you shoot your load), and not too many twinks in later scenes.

Rating: A-. Buy this. Very well done, there's little to complain about.

Music?: Not today, I wanted to hear sex sounds.

Coming up: Boyland.

#3 Chi Chi LaRue's Cock Trap

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