Tuesday, August 28, 2012

#8 Boyland + live webcam last night!

Boyland: 2004

First thing's first: Brent held an impromptu live webcam show last night and it was a raging success. I love these shows for so many reasons, one being I can attack him with as many questions as possible (moreso than I already do via twitter) and he pretty much answers everything. He is very comfortable with his fans, for sure, especially in that chat setting. He really comes alive. One thing I can say for Brent Everett, he makes himself very available to his fans. He's got an email address, a PO box, twitter, a blog, and a live chat. So far I've abused only three of these mediums but I assure you, a fan letter is in the works. I know, poor Brent. The live show was flawless, by the way, Brent was in great spirits and was super hot. Sadly no appearance by Steve but we did see some guy peek out in the background near the end there. Who was that? Fuck buddy? Pizza guy? Hmm, another Brent Everett mystery to be solved another day.

Boyland: "A Unique Theme park." I'll say. This film is about an hour and a half long and is divided into several segments, each taking place in a theme park seemingly catering to the young gay male audience. Clearly, since every ride in the park has guys fucking within. It sounds kind of hokey, but honestly I don't hate this film. For an amateur video it is not bad, and who doesn't like theme parks? They've even got cotton candy! You know what else this film has? A young Jeremy Jordan. YES, that Jeremy Jordan who we saw get fucked to death by Brent in the final scene of Wantin' More. Girl, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw him pop up in this, and to think they had him top. What a waste of film.

Brent's scene, aptly titled, "Hook a Husband," comes soon after and begins with him tossing rings onto Chase McKenzie's erect cock. Yes you read that correctly. It is so amusing it makes me forget how much Chase turns me off. He does eventually hook a ring onto that ginger cock and his prize? Well his prize is getting fucked. There's no real thrills here, we've all seen Brent and Chase hook up before, this time Brent bottoms. You know, for as cute as Brent was in the beginning of his career, I think he only gets better with age. This is why I get so confused by people who are still stuck on how amazing he was in School Boy Crush and Barebacking Across America. Forget those and watch Cock Trap, or Sized Up. Your life will never be the same.

Rating: C+

Next Up: something directed by Chi Chi LaRue.


Monday, August 20, 2012

#6 Navy Blues: Deeper in The Brig

Navy Blues: Deeper in The Brig, 2003

Sorry about that break I took from updating, I assure you it wasn't due to a lack of interest. Quite the opposite actually. I keep putting off updating because I'm not sure where to begin. Not only have I watched about 5 or 6 different Brent films since my last update (all in the name of research), I now apparently watch replays of his live web shows every spare moment I can find. So here's another problem: I want to talk about the web shows more than the films. THEY'RE FUCKING GOLD. So much entertainment packed into such a short amount of time, how does he do it? I think he'll be doing these shows long after he even retires, he sure loves interacting with his fans, doesn't he? And I got no problem with that.

One can really learn a lot from these web cams. Did you know? Brent Everett used to be a heavy smoker. Did you know? Brent is prone to kidney stones. Did you know? If he cuts his hair short enough you can see two birthmarks on the right side of his scalp. Did you know? Brent buys a new pair of undies for every show he does. Did you know? Brent does any and all home and car repairs himself. Did you know? Brent sells his own artwork. Did you know Brent Everett was a saint in a past life??? He totally was.

So, after all that praise why don't I review a really shitty one of his films? I don't think he'll take much offense, he said himself he hated this scene and was not happy filming it (learned that from a web show as well. www.brenteverett.com, now taking members). Before I even get into Brent's scene, I want to stress how overall shitty of a film this really is. Its release date was 2003 yet the music sounds straight out of The Other Side of Aspen, the original. Pretty much every stereotype a non-porn fan has about porn is what this film is. It's very hokey, the storyline is crap, it is a parody of a film.

If all this weren't bad enough, it's clear the director (Chip Daniels) and producers of Centaur care very little for the comfort and well-being of their actors. Brent's first scene involved him bottoming for Brock Masters. Yeah well Brock Masters kind of has a huge cock, and Brent was kind of really young when this was filmed. He looked in this scene the way I do while getting my Brazilian wax. You can see he's holding his breath and waiting for it to be over, every so often looking down to make sure his asshole is still intact. Who can watch someone in that much discomfort and still continue to film? It's very hard for me to watch, I don't think there's anything hot about it. Things like this are the reason why I used to hate porn (yes, I hated porn. In my defense, I only knew straight porn back then). I couldn't shake the feeling that whomever I was watching was being manipulated somehow. Now, you can argue no one forced Brent to be there or to sign on with Centaur Films, this is true. But by then he'd already made a commitment to these people, and I can't tell for sure but I ASSUME no one sat him down and said, "Listen, we're going to give you this guy with a way too huge cock for you in this scene, is that cool?" On top of that, he was super young and was not the Brent Everett we know now. He was just some kid to them with likely no say in any of the decisions. Brent was clearly unhappy and they kept going so it's hard for me to justify Centaur in this circumstance. Don't buy this, you have my permission to pirate.

Aside from that, Brent is in the final big group scene but isn't focused on much. He mostly is seen making out with his then boyfriend Chase McKenzie/Chase Dryburgh. What kind of a name is that? And what ever happened to Chase? Things the web shows don't even reveal. I was going to give this film a D but seeing as I also had to sit through Chase's pale skin and red hair...

Rating: F

Next up: Not Boyland. Something else.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

#5 Chi Chi LaRue's Fuck U

Fuck U: 2010

I stumble upon so much in my researches for trying to make this a wonderful little blog. Up until yesterday I had no idea there is a conglomerate of Brent "fans" out there who really think Steve is an asshole. Now...okay. Let's try to make sense of this, let's just humor this possibility for a second. Brent has never struck me as a stupid person. I am sure if Steve were detrimental to Brent in anyway, by now he would have walked. He's happy, and he's the one we're claiming to love, so why don't we trust in Brent? I mean it, to date I have NEVER said one bad word against Yoko Ono simply because I love and respect John Lennon! I gotta respect the woman he loved, too (plus Yoko is awesome). How can any fan of Brent Everett's say they love him yet hate his other half? That's a bit of a paradox. Hating Steve is pretty much insulting Brent. They're together, do y'all understand, they're in actual love and a lifetime commitment. Throwing shade toward the most significant person in Brent's life is not supporting Brent. It's quite the opposite, and from my own personal experience I have found Steve to be a total gentleman. He's very friendly, he even added me on twitter out of the blue. Also he is quite dashing but, most importantly, Brent is crazy about him. Thus, Steve is great. So there I've said my peace on that.

Something else I found: a few years back Brent was on board to begin a third website, http://www.xguyslive.com/. This was apparently supposed to cater to the needs of both men AND women. There's not much on the site now so I have no idea if it's still going, but I am curious. How could anything cater to my needs any more than www.BrentEverett.com already has? Would they sell cosmetics? Would the site be PINK? Would it...oh god, showcase lesbians?? Saying, "the needs of both men and women," is so broad. That's not a direct quote from either Brent or Stephen anyway, for all I know it could be made up. I just wonder what happened with the site, I wish I knew more about it. You know what, I think I just got it. Here is how amazingly smart I am: I think the site was supposed to be primarily a live webshow outlet and some of the men would be gay, some would be straight, some performing for men and some performing for women. I wonder how that worked out. A lot of times I see gay porn stars advertise one-on-one web shows and I feel like asking, "Is it alright if I'm a girl?" I don't though. I feel like that'd be overstepping my boundaries more than I already do as a woman into gay male porn. Yes, this is my struggle. MEIN KAMPF.

Fuck U. Let's get down to it, there is a film to actually be reviewed somewhere in this blog entry. Now remember this because I will ONLY say it once on my blog: There was one person who was hotter than Brent in this film, and that was superstar and director Chi Chi LaRue. She didn't just direct this one but she narrates and hosts the whole thing looking GORGEOUS. She needs to teach these queens on RuPaul's Drag Race a thing or two because they could use it. God bless Chi Chi LaRue. Her role here besides being an HBIC is to teach you, the viewer, how to make a decent porn. Brent's scene is the first in this video which is a pleasant surprise since homeboy usually keeps us waiting 'til the end. We open with Brent and Steven Daigle sharing a shower, an open large shower, which seems like a locker room. I like this immediately. I have a thing for shower porn, about 40% of all the sex in all the smut I've ever written has taken place in a shower. Something about ass scrubbing really gets me and if one guy is washing the other, all the better. And what's not hot about watching a man's cock go hard while he's soaping it up? I enjoy mutual shaving, too, but we won't see that here. Also would have loved to have seen Brent urinate in said shower. He's taken a leak on camera before, it would have been perfect here.

Things to look out for: upside down ass licking, Brent's nipples, choking on cock, Steven's bottoming capabilities, mouth fucking, interracial scenes later in the film!!

Cons: only 8 minutes of soapiness/water running, Brent's haircut (what happened???), underwhelming cumshots when after all that they finished by jerking themselves off standing (you're in a shower, that's the time to get creative with where you shoot your load), and not too many twinks in later scenes.

Rating: A-. Buy this. Very well done, there's little to complain about.

Music?: Not today, I wanted to hear sex sounds.

Coming up: Boyland.

Monday, August 13, 2012

#4 Brent Everett's Wantin' More


I hope everyone had a great last day of the London Olympics 2012. I sat and watched the entire closing ceremony live via the BBC and now? I can't stop listening to George Michael. He was the best part for me, even over the Spice Girls. Freedom '90, do I need to say anything more? That song is fucking amazing. I would by all means be reviewing the video for Freedom '90 if I thought I would ever shut up about it (I wouldn't). I'll only say a couple things: the male models so often get forgotten in this stellar music video, their names are John Pearson, Mario Sorrenti, and Peter Formby. And did you know George Michael named this "Freedom '90" because there's already a Wham! song named Freedom? He thought people would get confused...come on, George Michael. No one knows the Wham! Freedom (actually...I love that song). Everybody knows Freedom '90. You now all have my permission to navigate away from my wonderful blog for 6 minutes and 36 seconds to watch this masterpiece: Freedom '90.

So today we have Brent Everett's Wantin' More which is extra special, why? Brent directed and produced it. That would basically make this film his bitch, the only "studio" name attached to it is www.BrentEverett.com/XXXStudios (his). So I'm just going to assume he made every single decision having to do with this film, down to the c1r t-shirt the dude in the sneaker store is wearing. He also funded the whole thing, that is what producing means, no? So once again I'm going to state the obvious: Brent Everett can do everything. Actually, there's one thing he can't do, that's play baseball. But I'll get into that when I cover the Little Big League films, no need to humiliate him now. So this is exciting, but it's also gonna be tough. If I have any criticisms about this film at all it's a direct reflection of a decision Brent made. That makes me uncomfortable because I don't like hating on him ever. So this should be fun! Let's do this.

The film immediately opens on a positive note for me because there's a story line right off the bat. Brent's working out in red undies (omg) before going to surf the web for some cyber sex, yes, cyber sex. Doesn't this just scream of Brent Everett already? You know that man likes his internet access. But I'm with him, I think internet hook ups are extremely hot. It started with AOL in the mid-90s and never lost its appeal. The first scene is a solo scene, but we get to see the camera cut to the guy he's typing to on the other end. Blonde. Big. Big and blonde. His cock isn't as nice as Brent's but then, whose is? Brent, after being asked if he "has any toys" whips out his convenient huge dildo and ends up shooting his load, surprise, right up onto his face. I don't know how he always does that but honestly. Even when he's just having a wank in his living room he shoots that far. Talent? Luck? Good genes? Don't know, don't care. It's spectacular.

So what we have here is a young man (apparently named Jimmy) who has no trouble getting laid, but can't seem to find anyone who wants to settle down. No one wants to hang out with him after they blow their load. This makes Jimmy upset and disgruntled inside, but doesn't stop him from having a full on threesome in the backroom of a shoe store with a worker and another customer. They go all out for this scene. Double penetration! Me and Andrea while watching this said, "Wow," at the same time. Because it was pretty aggressive double penetration action, that Schoolboy Crush scene has nothing on this one. This entire scene is really intense and my only complaint is...why are these other guys so unattractive?

So Brent, completely sexually satisfied (for, like, ten minutes) goes to meet up with a buddy of his at a coffee shop or pizza shop or something. This friend is gorgeous. Of course I'm thinking, "He's gotta fuck this guy," but he doesn't! They have a little talk about Brent's sad love life before Brent moves on to his next errand of the day, a car shop. I have no idea what he's doing there because pretty immediately after he walks in, he attacks the mechanic's dick with his mouth. Seriously. He walks up to him, grabs his cock, and goes down. Jimmy isn't shy at all, is he? Man, this movie. Here's another reason it's great: Brent is in every single scene. He has three sex scenes and one regular scene but there's no sitting and anxiously awaiting his arrival. If you're a Brent Everett fan you really need to own this.

The bike guy was too unattractive for me, there I said it. I do like a lot of guys, you know, I happen to think every model signed to Eurocreme is supremely fuckable. So I don't understand why I see Brent paired up so often with men vastly underwhelming. I thought the same with his scene partner in Cock Trap. Is it to make him stand out more? He always stands out more than anyone, LOOK at him. The film ends with probably the stand out scene of the film where he hooks  up with the pizza guy, Jeremy Jordan (lolz). I don't have anything bad to say about this, Jeremy is alright looking and wow, are they into it. Brent's lips are so red and...he's in heaven. When he retires he should run a pornstar training camp. Every time I see him fuck it looks like the best sex he's ever had in his life. So now, wait for the big ending: the pizza guy reveals that Jimmy is his last delivery of the night and they can now hang out. Happy ending!! And Jimmy has no qualms with dating a pizza guy either, very big points for being on the side of the blue collar worker, Brent.

Okay. I'm not gonna lie, I was thrown for a loop a bit because I was sure the friend Jimmy poured his heart out to would end up being his true love. I'm not sure what that scene was put in for? I know the viewer did need an explanation of Jimmy's conflict, but the friend was way too cute. All I could think about was them fucking. I didn't at all expect the pizza guy to end up changing Jimmy's life, so, there's that. I think the story could have tied together just a little better. And the guys could have been cuter, and the one cute guy could have taken his clothes off. Otherwise, perfect film. Oh did I mention Jimmy and the pizza guy fucked to some gay boy club music playing in the background? They totally did. Nice touch, Brent.

Rating: B

Next up: Vancouver Nights or Boyland.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

#2 Bareboned Twinks and the other Brent.

Bareboned Twinks: 2005

Hi guys. I'm tucked into bed with the a/c blaring. I'm listening to Deeper and Deeper by Madonna. This could be my favorite Madonna tune, you know. Really, out of everything. So, it has been an entirely draining day and I'm more thankful every day I have this new blog to dive into. Unfortunately, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't turn this into my personal journal, griping about my stupid love problems and life issues. That's for a whole other blog, but are you ready for a huge PORN rant? Because I got that for you, coming right up.

Yo, listen to this shit, though. Brent sent me a direct message last night via twitter. Couldn't you just die?? Here was my reaction: I screamed, I shut my phone OFF, then shoved it under my pillow. Now how is that for a very fucking weird and creepy reaction? I'd give that about a ten. I'm not exactly sure how long it took me but eventually I looked at my phone again and attempted to compile a halfway normal sounding response. Here is what he wrote: "Sorry for technical problems. I hope u sent ur addy for gift." He's referring to the failed live webcam show that happened yesterday, the one I was actually happy to attend despite the problems with new software. I have no idea why he decided to reach out to me, he really did not have to. He did send his apologies and promise us all a gift when the chat shut down, so. Who knows? I can only assume he messaged me because he's an outstanding specimen of a man. Canadian of the year, he didn't win that? He should have. Especially to reach out to me of all people, do you have any idea how much I bug Brent on twitter? It is a lot, it's numerous times daily, and on top of that I've now got this blog. To say Brent Everett is a major influence on my life right now would be an understatement. I mean, yeah, I am a sincere supporter of this guy and everything he does, but I have no idea what it feels like on his end, being the receiver of all this, you know? It could really be off-putting, annoying, or strange. All I really expect as a fan is to be treated politely and some appreciation (I'm talking in a liner note or something), but since the day I've started publicly stating my love and support for his work, he has gone above and beyond in graciousness. This won't be the last time I praise him, but this just needed to be said, I'm done.

Uh, by the way, this "gift" he's sending me? I'm really hoping it's a pair of his used undies with dried jizz all over it. But. I'll be happy with anything.

So Brent Corrigan is annoying the shit out of me lately. I thought this would be an appropriate transgression into what I need to say. First, pay attention to the key. From here on out, Brent Corrigan will be referred to as Sean, and Brent Everett gets to remain Brent. It's his blog, he gets to be Brent, and from what I know about Corrigan, he prefers to be referred to as Sean now anyway. Ask and ye shall receive. So, alright. If you had told me one year ago I would be obsessed with Brent Everett and throwing shade at Corrigan (guess I'm not using the key yet), I would have told you to get the hell out. I LOVED Sean, I loved every single thing about him. The very first gay porn scene I ever watched was one of his. But honestly, I feel like I've had it. First, there's a website situation which is infuriating. He's had 4 websites since 2009 because he constantly has a falling out with whoever is running shit, and that's fine by me, as a fan I'll stand behind that. But this site is never updated. I did pay to be a member, mostly to catch his live web shows which are listed on the front of his site as being scheduled for every Monday night. It's been over a month and I've never seen one aired or so much as spoken of. I have tweeted him politely asking if he plans to have any more, I got ignored. That's cool, you don't have to talk to me, NOT EVERYONE CAN BE BRENT EVERETT. But. I am paying for this membership, which is automatically renewed monthly. For a site which is never updated, they never forget to charge you. So today I thought, maybe there are some exclusive videos for members I'm missing out on, yeah? I've got to be paying for something. Wrong. Every video in the membership area is a clip from one of his films, all of which I own. So I'm forced to ask myself, what am I paying for? But this isn't what set me off. I was reading through his blog (because despite this frustration, I still love Sean a lot) and found a post where he expressed his frustration in fans pirating his material. He said Big Easy was selling poorly and it upsets him to hear fans who are supposed to support him are ripping his stuff.

Yo. I bought Big Easy. I love Big Easy. I tell every person who claims School Boy Crush is great to shut up and watch Brent Corrigan's Big Easy (well, now I tell them to watch Cock Trap) instead. Come to think of it, I own every single Brent Corrigan film available. I can't say that for any other porn star. I can't even say that for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and he's my boo. As far as fans and supporters go, I sincerely believe I've been an awesome one to Sean. So I feel just as offended and rejected by him as he does us in that entry he wrote. It makes me think that maybe he gave up on us...but that's not the way to make things better. Building an empire (have you been to www.brenteverett.com because it is a well oiled machine over there I'm telling you, it gets better every day),  giving us a website worth subscribing to, OR, just taking it down. But you know...he leaves it up and still accepts whatever money comes in...without making an effort to give us something in return. I can't respect that. Guilt is now setting in for speaking this way about someone I've loved and respected for so long. But it comes from an honest place. It doesn't make me happy saying any of this and I don't enjoy "comparing the Brents," by any means, either, that's not my intention. But, it is really hard not to in light of everything. That direct message, man, what a nice touch.

With all that being on my mind for hours, I've decided to pull a fast switch and review Bareboned Twinks instead of what I had planned, which was Brent Everett's Wantin' More. I also very much want Andrea to sit with me on that one and she's out right now, this works out better for all of us. I'm going to review Brent and Sean's scene only, I will not sit through a Cobra video for two hours. Shit, I forgot Brent was even in this until an hour ago. So, here we go. Bareboned Twinks.

Scene opens with Brent and Sean on a bed, and they begin making out straight away. I already have issues with this. There's no music, no dialogue, no story, nothing. And...wow, Brent is cute. He definitely hasn't changed a lot, though, meanwhile Sean looks like a total stranger. I can't believe how much he's changed. The boys start off hard and pretty soon Brent takes off Sean's undies...while sucking on his nipple. Damn! I'm going to enjoy this when I promised myself I wouldn't. Brent's so cute in this, I can't even get my thoughts straight. What an eager young man. And how long has he had these tattoos? Since he was born? This was some of his first work onscreen and he's got the stripes around his forearm, that is impressive. Sean lays on top of Brent for a bit sort of dry humping, I don't know why, it's not like he's going to top Brent (ya, he wishes). Sean. IS. The best bottom in the business. I could write a book on it. Wow, Sean. he's a little (see: a lot) dinky here but aside from his lack of muscle, he's got a great body. I've never seen a prettier asshole or balls on anyone. It has made me very picky. But his are just so pink and even-toned and smooth and really too good to be true. A 69 commences and I can see both their assholes up close now. I love Brent, but there's no comparison. Now Sean's riding Brent and...Brent is making the hottest sex faces I've ever seen on a man, how does he do that? Sean's face is going red and he's looking pretty hot and in ecstasy, too, but...there's no comparison. They are both masters of their crafts in entirely different departments. Switch position time, Brent is standing at the end of the bed fucking Sean while Seanie puts his legs over Brent's shoulders. Was this scene always so hot? I'm enjoying this! Oh my god, Brent is gorgeous just plowing into Sean and, oh, Seanie just came. He can never hold out long in the missionary. Plus, he's 17. Seventeen and getting fucked by Brent Everett, I'd blow my load, too. After Sean finishes, they both climb on the bed and Brent jerks off over Sean's face, and look, he jerks off exactly the same as he does today. This is adorable. Then he smiles at the end and kisses Sean's forehead! Ah, I can't give that a bad review at all. But don't watch it anyway, one of the kids is illegal. Got it?

Next up: Brent Everett's Wantin' More, Boyland, Brother Fucker, Cock Trap, and more, stay tuned.

Wetter Than Ever (continued), live webshow, other musings.

Hello, I've returned from the live webcam show with Brent, and let me tell you something: it was hot. Brent appeared in a black tank top with a small bandage on his face. I did ask, but I'm not sure what his response was because then he started cutting out and...what? Yeah, he totes started cutting out again. But I've realized something: he is just too likable for me to care. From what I can gather, all of us care enough to be there because we love Brent, so no one gets too upset when things go awry. Also, we kind of half expect it by now. Brent, though, felt so bad he promised us all a surprise for dealing with so many tanked chat efforts. Can you believe that? I actually left that chat happy and he didn't so much as take his cock out for us. But I got to see him smile and hear his laugh again and watch him curse out his computer for malfunctioning, hell, that's a good time. What a stand up guy.

Alright, I've settled in with a massive Britney Spears playlist (which is actually a bit of a distraction because I'm enjoying it so much. You try concentrating on anything while the video for Lucky plays in the background. Impossible). Cutting this review in half was in hindsight pretty tough, because as gung-ho as I was last night, I'm now in a rush to move on to the next film, my mind is moving ahead. Just for future reference, this film was alright to review from beginning to end because Brent is a major feature in it, and it's only two hours long. But others that run for 3.5 hours and only feature Brent in one scene won't be as widely covered. I can't imagine anyone having a problem with this.

We left off with Brent and "Tom Daly" doing some impressive underwater blowjobbery in the pool. The following scene left much to be desired, but I will say this about it: I didn't dislike it because it was bad, these particular guys just weren't my type. They're a lot more rugged, I guess, than what I usually think is hot. Short hair doesn't generally do it for me, either. However. These two dudes are very eager, and I don't care if you're a butterface, if you're into what you're doing in porn, I give you a pat on the back, sir. The highlights for me here were the intense ass licking and ball sucking (so rare) that took place. I realized the further I got into this scene, the less I cared about their looks. They both have very well taken care of packages, with nice color, too. Yes, I am a big fan of a pretty pink hairless ball sack. It is what it is.

There is actually only one scene left separating the final pool scenes between Brent and Donny (Tom Daly), which in fact has really been one long scene cut into fragments and spread throughout the film. This one non-Brent scene left in the film actually turned me off to a point I felt nauseous looking at one of them, so I'm not even going to review it. Now you see just how picky I am with my men in porn. But in my defense, this was a first. I've watched thousands of scenes with all sorts of different types of men doing different things to each other, and never has someone's package turned me off this much. I don't really want to think about it anymore actually.

So, Brent! What a talented little Canadian. Back at the pool him and Donny are now getting very hot. While Donny is in the pool, Brent squats over him and pokes his cock into Donny's mouth that way, over and over again. I find it hard to squat over a toilet without falling over. Massive talent, Brent Everett is full of it. And if you even need further proof here it is: Brent stands on tip toe to fuck him. I think you can see every muscle in his body flexed and going to work while fucking. It is a very special moment in porn. It's worth the wait, worth anything I disliked in the film. If you want my recommendation here it finally is: Buy this one. Eventually the two men move into missionary position and Donny brings himself to orgasm by self manipulation (I'm going to work on my phrasing, that doesn't sound sexy at all), but it's tough paying attention to anyone else here what with Brent making the faces he makes when he's close to climax. That just put me in my happy place. I'm in a zone and I need a moment.

Rating: B-
Next up: Brent Everett's Wantin' More

Ciao! And thanks again.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

#1: Wetter Than Ever

Wetter Than Ever (2010)

Happy Olympics! Yes, this is relevant. The official title on c1r for this film is Brent Everett Is Wetter Than Ever, but do not assume Brent directed this one. I assumed it, because his name is in the title, and, well, not to compare so early in the game or anything but any video Brent Corrigan has released which begins with his name in the title (i.e. Brent Corrigan's Heat, Brent Corrigan's Big Easy) has been directed by him. Who cares, what's the big deal, you ask? It makes a world of a difference if you actually care about what you're watching. It is very uncomfortable sitting through a scene with an actor who clearly isn't enjoying himself, or who is just out of their league in whatever it is they're being directed to do. That's not to say tons of great porn hasn't been directed by great non-acting directors, but there's nothing quite like watching an actor's own creation. Because that's really when they're happiest and most comfortable, and there's nothing hotter than that at all.

But alas, directing alone is very tough, and combined with acting just makes for a really trying experience. I get it. John Cameron Mitchell described his experience in directing Hedwig, "very little fun." So I can only assume (note: I don't actually know anything) this is a reason Brent doesn't do more directing. But I digress.

First thing's first, there is no dialogue in this film. I repeat: NO DIALOGUE. I usually don't like this, but tonight I was really into my music and welcomed the chance to continue rocking my 90s grunge playlist. There are a LOT of actors in this film so bear with me, I can't name them all. The opening scene is pretty simple, Brent is chillin' in a pool being hot. That's it for this scene, really. He gets up a bit and runs his hands down his impeccable body, then smiles. Cut to next scene. I, by the way, am not complaining. Hit the audience with some Brent first off. Even if he isn't jerking off or throwing his cock into some guy. His name is in the title. I hate when I invest in an entire film (and I'm sure I don't even NEED to tell you people that that shit aint cheap) because an actor I love is plastered all over it, then ends up being in one scene at the end. Frustrating. So the first scene is wonderful, any Brent is good Brent.

Now, the next scene threw me off a bit. Two guys in what appears to be a desert, one with a turban around his head. Alright, I'll take it. These guys end up doing a lot, it's a long detailed scene, for sure. I do like that there's real kissing, passionate kissing, and they are trying to look very into each other, but it kind of ends there for me. I'm not buying their chemistry. I can't say I dislike it, I guess I'm just on the fence here. Oh, and at the end they both end up shooting their loads into...a big rusty bucket. Yeah I don't...I don't even know. Most of their fucking happened over this bucket actually. There's water in it and the bottom gets his head shoved in there a few times while getting fucked, that's already too aggressive for me.

Did you all know Brent Everett can swim, like, really well? He totally can. Next little intermission has him swimming toward the camera in an underwater shoot. I am now certain there is nothing this man can't do, and can only assume he just missed the Olympic tryouts for the national Canadian swim team due to, um, some minor injury. Maybe in four years he'll try again.

Scene three is heavily influenced by the popularity of Brokeback Mountain. Call it a hunch. Scene opens with two cowboys, arms over each other's shoulders, gazing over a lake. They kiss, then take it inside to a bedroom in what appears to be a cabin. Once they start going at it on the bed you see one of the men appears to be a wealthy business man type (albeit from the 1800s) while the other guy plays the forbidden stable boy. Both are blonde, both are very fucking cute, to be honest. One complaint: stable boy needs to trim his bush...but I suppose that's not very stable boy-like, is it? After a little suckage they lay down side by side and begin to stroke one another off. Then back to sucking. This is fucking hot, they seem really into each other and the story-line is great for having no dialogue. Stable boy porn ALWAYS gets me (I'm serious. There's a demand). Wow, 10 minutes later and these guys are still going down on each other, cocks hard as can be. You kind of have to be dead in the loins not to enjoy this scene. Or straight, whatever. So check this out, the kept boy gets fucked, obviously, and afterward gives the business man a bath! In a tub! ALL my fantasies come alive in this scene. Aw, and then he sort of kisses him to sleep whilst holding his head up in the tub. Oh my god. Take this scene to the bank. Axel Garett and Lane Fuller, look they even get names.

I needed a minute after that, I actually missed the first part of the next Brent scene. That's how you know it was good, if I put Brent off for a bit. Was a little flustered but I'm back. So here we finally see Brent in his first real scene with someone whom I can only describe as a Tom Daly look-alike. So I'm sitting here thinking, "Wow who is this Tom Daly dude?" until I realize it's Donny Wright who I follow on twitter, he's that good. You can't just follow any person who claims to be a porn star on twitter, then your feed would be an endless stream of, you know, retweets of self-appraisal and names ending in XXX. Twitter. Where anyone can be a porn star. Anyway, Donny is quite good! So this is a short teaser scene again, we don't get the real deal quite just yet. However it doesn't really matter, because the film is great so far. I'm not in any rush to get through some boring scenes with ugly people to finally get to the star of the show. I've been through that plenty of times. This is what good directing is for.

I kid you not, this next scene involves two guys, one who looks like Brent Corrigan circa ILLEGAL days, and the other of whom looks just like Pauly D. Pauly D guy has a star tattoo and as a rule I shut off scenes when I see a star tattoo unless it's attached to Brent Corrigan's ass. The other guy isn't so much young looking, but his hair is spikey and he's wearing a goofy necklace. Ya, that's very young Corrigan-esque. Think hard, you can find that image in the recesses of your memory. I tried to bury it myself but it exists. Wait, are his tips frosted??..Okay. I can't say much for the sex here. I didn't like how the Pauly D guy came at all, just generally unremarkable and boring but worst of all, Frosted Flakes didn't even finish. You have to finish. You HAVE to. I really don't care if you're a janitor hired to mop up the jizz after a scene, if you're there you make it your duty to come. So that was underwhelming.

Next up is a continuation of Brent and Donny/Tom Daly. The main thing in this clip is how they take turns sucking each other off under water. How is that not an Olympic competition? This is amazing, the camera moves down with them and everything. And then at one point Brent grabs Donny/Tom's face and brings him down for an underwater kiss. They don't flinch, choke, or drown. I told you, Brent is an Olympian. The TALENT, friends. It is immeasurable.


Believe it or not that only covered half of the film. One hour. I'm so much happier freely writing as much as I want as opposed to being limited by twitter. I'm enjoying this very much, I can't even tell you how much. I won't rate it yet, but part 2 of WTE (yeah, I went there) is coming up. Stay tuned, and goodnight.

Monday, August 6, 2012

We Look the same. We Talk the same. We even fuck the same.

Welcome everyone, to what feels like my life long work here in a blog. In actuality I only started working on this about 8 hours ago, but it was long and frustrating, for a person who merely knows simple html at best. At any rate, you're here and reading which means you followed a link, which most importantly means you listened to me and are here to listen to more. Thank you, sincerely, thank you. As cleaned up and polished as I attempt to make my reviews sound, they really are just opinions. This is no time to list a bunch of thank yous (I'll save that for my grand finale, the day I actually get through all of Brent's films...which will totally happen), but my dear close friend and confidant Andrea, who watches most if not all of my porn with me, has taught me just how subjective all reviewing of any art-form really is. After watching anything that's left me with a strong impression, be it good or bad, I ask her what she thinks. Without fail it is always the opposite reaction from mine. "Wait, you LIKED that? Oh god, I thought it was awful," and then I go back for a re-watch, trying to see if there was something in it I missed. And then I review.

I guess you could call this welcome post a disclaimer of sorts. Some of my reviews have not been received well on twitter. I am convinced every single cockyboy model sort of wishes I wasn't alive, and that's alright, I can handle that. But now I'm going to, for the first time ever, be writing negative criticism on Brent Everett's work? How can I get through that? But it is inevitable. One day I'm going to have to write reviews on his Cobra video work (ouch). But this is my point: I am just a person behind a laptop with an opinion. I'm not a critic, I'm not in the porn industry, I'm not even a writer. So please, take this blog for what it is, everyone, simple entertainment.

So what should you expect in the days/weeks/months to come? You know, I don't really know what this will expand into. The site will always remain a simple layout, I know that much. I'm not a web developer and being a fancy fan-site isn't my goal. This will also be very text heavy. If you want hot pics and video of Brent I can hook you up with the right links (can I ever), but it won't be here. I do know I aim to review every one of Brent Everett's films, along with that I want to have a complete filmography posted here as well. He's apparently made over 130 appearances on film, and so far I can find about 30-something titles. I have no idea how accurate either of those numbers are. So now you see just how difficult this journey ahead will be! I give myself about a week before I break down and start tweeting Brent himself for help. That poor man. What'd he do to deserve a fan this insane? Be totally amazing, I guess. Sadly he would probably totally help me out, because he's Brent. And this is why my blog is for him and no one else. He is a unique Canadian snowflake, ladies and gentlemen.

Okay! Good enough for an entry post, yeah? My first review will be up in no time, maybe 1am EDT at the latest. Hell I'm watching it right now. Brent Everett Is Wetter Than Ever (omg I have so much to say about this film you have no idea). Stay tuned, and thanks again.